Cracks, not just for plumbers anymore!

Look at me look at me! Here it is, Tuesday, and I'm posting two days in a row! (--patting herself on the back--Ouch. I need to stretch more. I think I may have pulled something in my excitement.)

So yes I worked out yesterday and yes I stuck to my diet. But Heather is right. Cake is fun. The wagon is not fun. But the wagon happens to be headed to the beach. And the cake happens to be headed to my thighs. I'm thinking I'd much rather spend a vacation camped out on the shore than doing finger bounces off the dibits on my thighs. (Shudders)

Anhyoo, to the topic at hand. I realize I'm being a bit behind the times here, as super-ultra-mega-lowrise pants have been in fashion for some time now, and I think are actually on their way out again. It's not that I have anything against these pants personally. In fact, I was grateful when wastlines dropped below the belly button. This was a definite win for hippy gals like muhself.

But with power comes responsibility, young one. As far as I can see it, with the power to wear lowrise jeans comes the responsibility not to flash your back cleavage to innocent bystanders. But the other day, I was flashed no less than two buttcracks! And not sweaty hairy plumber's cracks. No sir. These were clerical cracks. Cracks bent over doing some filing. Filers wearing super ultra mega lowrise slacks. How did these office cracks happen? The math is pretty simple. Hmm, math. Howsabout a word problem?

If the waistline of your pants rests one tenth of a millimeter above your bum crack, and your pants travel in a southerly direction at a rate of three inches when you squat and bend over, whose hiney will arrive at butt-crack city first?

A. Walt the janitor's
B. Donald the mechanic's
C. Yours

Correct answer? C. Yours.
Explanation: A. is incorrect because Walt is a janitor and therefore would wear a school mandated uniform. Typically school mandated uniforms are enabled with anti-crack-flashing mechanisms. You know, for the kids. B is incorrect because Donald is a mechanic, not a plumber. See how tricky I am?

Perhaps ladies are under the impression that flashing their cracks is somehow more acceptable because they lack hair (well, hopefully.) Perhaps the grunting dudes in the gym would agree, but as a chick, I must quote the great Whitney Houston. Crack is whack.

Cyndi