A Treatise on Travel Toileting

I suffer from terminal wanderlust. I rather enjoy the whole experience of traveling, from the butt indent in the front seat of the car down to the hotel soaps. Travel often gives us the opportunity to see things from a different perspective. Removed from our natural environment, familiar things become foreign, the commonplace transforms into the extraordinary. Some of these experiences are thrilling, others, horrifying.

I had one such experience the morning before last, Christmas Eve Eve. There I sat, in the Hampton hotel bathroom, in the process of conducting a "transaction," if you take my meaning. Take my meaning, please. Don't make me say it. That would be icky. I don't like icky.

Yes, anyway, so in the process of a transaction, when I look up, and there I am, in the mirror, with a perfect view of myself sitting on the toilet. I did a double take, quickly looking away after the first pass. There was, after all, a person on the crapper in the mirror. Somehow, it didn't seem polite to watch. And yet, inexplicably, after a moment, I discovered that again, I was looking at myself in the mirror, and yes, I found that I still sat on the toilet. Then of course began my neurotic fantasizing (this happens often, as you should well know.) The following is a conversation between MC - Mirror Cyndi and TC - Toilet Cyndi.

MC: "I say, you there. Would you mind awfully averting your eyes? I seem to be in a most compromising position here." *laughs nervously. (For some reason MC speaks in an English accent. Don't ask me why, I don't know. I'm going to blame the part in Mary Poppins where she speaks to her reflection in the mirror.)
TC: "Oh, yes. So sorry. *Looks down at the linoleum floor, notices a cobweb in the corner gathering hair, looks back at the mirror.
MC: "Em, I do hate to be a bother, but you seem to be looking again and I believe I just requested that you.."
TC: "Goodness, yes. I am aren't I? My apologies." *Looks towards the tub and notices a rather curly dark hair in the corner of the tub. Turns back to the mirror "Eeew! DO YOU SEE THAT! THAT'S A PUBE!"
MC: *Narrowing eyes "Yes, I could see how that would be rather disturbing, nevertheless, here I sit, attempting to have a private moment, and you insist on harrying me continually. I would greatly appreciate it if you would kindly..."
TC: "Oh, of course. So sorry. I'll uh, Ill just look over here instead. *Looks at towel rack by the mirror, thinks she sees a dark spot on her face, looks back at the mirror and wipes at cheek.
MC: "Alright then you bloody tosser! This is utterly ridiculous! I'm at the end of my tether Miss! If you can't be bloody bothered to look somewhere else for five rat-arsed minutes, then I'll not be finishing this transaction."
TC: "No! No no! I'll be good! I promise! Please, just go ahead."
MC: "No, it's no use now. My concentration's been broken. You'll just have to try again tomorrow."
TC: "Aww. Come on! I had an extra-strong cup of hotel room coffee and everything. I need to GO!"
MC: "Perhaps you should have thought about that before you started leering at me like a some peep-eyed lout then shouldn't you?"
TC: "Crap."
MC: "I'm afraid not for you. Ah ha ha ha. I do believe I've made a funny."
TC: "Jerk."

Yes, travel provides one with a wealth of opportunities for rich and engaging conversations. With oneself. About toileting. And watching it. In the mirror.

Cyndi

PS. Merry Christmas y'all!