La Boheme!!!!!!

I get to go see La Boheme tonight! It's a recording of the spring season encore performance at the Met! The MET!!!! In surround sound!

So in review: Opera! La Boheme! Met! Encore Performance! Dolby Digital Surround Sound! Me! Tonight! Gushy happy tail wagging bouncing up and down pure unadulterated nerd glee!

Huraaaaaaaay!
Cyndi

50 Questions

Many thanks to Heather, who by sending me this meme spared me from having to come up with anything too clever to write about today.

1. Do you like blue cheese? I laaaahv it.
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> 2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No suh.
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> 3. Do you own a gun? Yes. It shoots marshmallows. Fear me.
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> 4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? Chili cheese fry- oh wait, they refused to put that flavor into a drink. Jerks.
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> 5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Yep.
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> 6. What do you think of hot dogs? They tend to be rather full of themselves.
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> 7. Favorite Christmas movie? Gotta go with the classic. A Christmas Story. I can't get up Ralphie!
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> 8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Anything that will keep me from biting people who ask me questions (oddly they discourage this where I work). This usually means a caffeinated beverage of some sort.
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> 9. Can you do pushups? Hmm. Pushups? Is this some sort of ice cream pop? If so, I could definitely do many.
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> 10. Age? Too close to 30 for comfort.
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> 11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Bling is bling baby. I like it all.
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> 12. Favorite hobby? Cooking or writing. I also read a great deal, but have the feeling this isn't really a hobby. This is something sad pathetic people claim as a hobby. People like me!
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> 13. Favorite Actor? Anthony Hopkins
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> 14. Do you have A.D.D.? Let me think. Hey! Let's ride bikes!

> 15. What's one trait you hate about yourself? My shyness

> 16. Middle name? Lynn

> 17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? My coat itches but I'm too cold to take it off. I need to go water my boss's plants. The sleeves on this shirt are actually long enough for my monkey arms. Exciting peek into my brain, ain't it?
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> 18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday/today: Baseball pants for Chris. That's about it.
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> 19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Milk, Diet Pepsi with lime, water
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> 20. Current worries? Staying awake during the upcoming garnishment meeting I get to take notes for. Whoopee!
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> 21. Current hate right now? Utah spring weather. Bitter cold winds one day, 80 degrees the next. Ptooey I say. Ptooey.
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> 22. Favorite place to be? At home on the couch in my comfy pants.

> 23. How did you bring in the New Year? I can't really remember, so it must have been fun. ; )
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> 24. Where would you like to go? Everywhere. I hear the weather is nice this time of year.
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> 25. Name three people who will complete this: Me, Myself, I.

> 26. Do you own slippers? Yes. Big pink ones that look like dinosaur feet. Complete with talons. Rawr!

> 27. What shirt are you wearing? A black camisole under a sheer black button up shirt.
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> 28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Too slippery. Less coordinated people like me don't need any further help flopping off a raised surface while unconscious.
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> 29. Can you whistle? Reports show that previous attempts at this suggested activity have been heretofore unsuccessful.
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> 30. Favorite color? I love em all.
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> 31. Would you be a pirate? Yarrr! Aye would be the most piratey pirate yar ever sar!
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> 32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't sing in the shower. I shave my legs in the shower. Hazardous to allocate any available bandwidth to other activities.

> 33. Favorite girl's name? I'm not tellin.

> 34. Favorite boy's name? Buckminster

35. What is in your pocket right now? The little stretchy thing on my badge.
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> 36. Last thing that made you laugh? Andy accidentally shaving a big chunk out of his goatee. And not noticing it until I pointed it out at home last night. Hee hee hee.
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> 37. Best bed sheets as a child? Rainbow Bright.
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> 38. Worst injury you've ever had? I think I covered this topic more than amply in my last post. Perhaps not the worst, but certainly the most prolific.
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> 39. Do you love where you live? I love the town house where I live. But I would not be at all disappointed if I woke up and my townhouse had wandered over to Florence, Italy.
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> 40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 3
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> 41. Who is your loudest friend? Heather- love you baby!
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> 42. How many dogs do you have? 0
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> 43. Does someone have a crush on you? If they do, they haven't let me know.

> 44. What is your favorite book? Anything by Janet Evanovich- This was Heather's answer! I have infected her! Bwahahaha!
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> 45. Where were you born? Plattsburg, New York.

> 46. What is your favorite candy? Heath

> 47. Favorite Sports Team? Don't really have one.

> 48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Another One Bites the Dust would be fitting. Even better if there were a Queen cover band there to do it.
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> 49. What were you doing at 12 A.M.? Sleeping.
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> 50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Hmm. Isn't it lovely of Stewie (my cat) to park his furry ass right by my face.

The Universe Hates Me

I think the universe hates me. This morning I fell off my heel and rolled my ankle on the way to the car. It hurts, but I can walk on it. So I'm going to walk on it. Thirteen some odd years wearing ridiculously high heels and I have NEVER fallen off. NEVER. I mean, I used to run up icy hills in stilettos when late for church at good ole Ricks. And I never slipped. Not once. Ever. Honestly, this is getting ridiculous. I'm too lurpy to live. I'm a mess.

Here's the current injury count: (In a neatly bulleted list, just for you! See how I love you?)

• Ugly healingish bruises on both legs and back (from the stairs)
• New bruises on both legs from running into things in the new apartment
• Bruised foot due to falling vase - (at least I caught it)
• Gouged and bloodied tootsie from Stewie's failed attempt to scale the washer and dryer last night
• Rolled ankle
• Pulled back muscle (begun whilst rolling down he stairs, exacerbated whilst tensing for a side- walk fall this morning)
• Bruised ego

I think I must have bad karma. I need to universe to love me again. Maybe I need to go out and rescue some grasshoppers. Or buy a three legged dog a prosthetic limb. Or help an old lady cross the street.

Better yet, I will find an old lady who needs to cross the street and give her a ride to Wendover instead. I will watch her purse while she plays the slots. I will point out suitable elderly gentleman companions who appear jaunty and well-dressed. Then I will purchase for her a new scarfy thing that all the old ladies wear to keep the wind off their hair. I will carefully make sure the scarfy thing is in a color that compliments her Buck and Buck sweat suit. I will press her sweat suit, paying careful attention not to iron over the delicate appliques.

I will apply an appropriate polish to her gold LA. Gear tennis shoes. Perhaps I will purchase some creams and lotions for her arthritis. Then I will cook for her a dinner of fiber rich foods in specifically selected textures appropriate to her chewing abilities. Following this, I will set up a DVR to record her favorite programs, such as Matlock and Murder She Wrote, and perhaps even Poirot. When I am finished, she will be happy, and will look something like this.



Hopefully then the universe will forgive me for breathing.

Ta,
Cyndi

If you give a klutz some stairs

Sigh. Sigh. Big heavy heartbreaking sigh. (People, I'm sighing here!)
Oh? What's wrong? Well how kind of you to ask. The trouble is, I have an absolutely hilarious post, and I really don't want to write it. Because it's embarrassing. Okay fine, excellent point. About 95% of this blog is dedicated to the stupid and embarrassing things I do. Well I guess I have no excuse then, have I? Okay then. But one last time, I really don't want to do this.

I suppose in order to lighten the mood, I will write this tale in the format of my favorite childhood book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. I mean, how freaking adorable was this book? A little mouse in overalls, how terminally cute is that?


Look at him. Have you ever seen anything so...What? What do you mean get on with it? I'm not trying to distract you. Really I'm not.

Okay, okay. Without further ado, I present. If You Give a Klutz Some Stairs, first ed. By Cyndi Olsen.

If you give a klutz an apartment, she'll probably want something cute.

And when she asks for something cute, she'll probably want a townhouse.

This townhouse will likely have stairs.

Once you give her a cute townhouse with stairs, she will want to make herself comfortable.

So she will begin unpacking all of her crap... er things and clutter up the place.

Since she needs to unpack her things, she will probably make her husband go to the other apartment and finish the cleaning.

When her husband goes to do the cleaning, he will likely forget his wallet at the new apartment.

Because he needs the wallet to pay the carpet cleaners the klutz has hired, he will probably call the klutz and ask if she can bring it over.

Since the klutz is also obsessive and worried about the cleaners showing up early and her husband having no money, she will attempt to leap around the empty boxes and rush down the stairs to get it to him, while still talking to him on her cell phone.

Because the klutz is a klutz, she will FALL DOWN THE STAIRS.

When the klutz falls down the stairs, she will get several bruises.

The bruises will probably turn lots of different colors. Colors so remarkable that the klutz will send a picture of them via text message to her parents.

The klutzes parents with then call her and ask what the heck is wrong with her.

They will question if she has some sort of balance-affecting neurological disorder, or if she was concussed.

She will tell them that she is fine, and that her pride is what is bruised worst of all. She will be grateful that she was the only one home, and that staircases are unable to laugh.

Assured that their daughter is not suffering any major cerebral damage, they will then ask her if she is going to write a blog post about her accident.

After much hemming and hawing she will.

And does.

The End!