If you give a klutz some stairs

Sigh. Sigh. Big heavy heartbreaking sigh. (People, I'm sighing here!)
Oh? What's wrong? Well how kind of you to ask. The trouble is, I have an absolutely hilarious post, and I really don't want to write it. Because it's embarrassing. Okay fine, excellent point. About 95% of this blog is dedicated to the stupid and embarrassing things I do. Well I guess I have no excuse then, have I? Okay then. But one last time, I really don't want to do this.

I suppose in order to lighten the mood, I will write this tale in the format of my favorite childhood book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. I mean, how freaking adorable was this book? A little mouse in overalls, how terminally cute is that?


Look at him. Have you ever seen anything so...What? What do you mean get on with it? I'm not trying to distract you. Really I'm not.

Okay, okay. Without further ado, I present. If You Give a Klutz Some Stairs, first ed. By Cyndi Olsen.

If you give a klutz an apartment, she'll probably want something cute.

And when she asks for something cute, she'll probably want a townhouse.

This townhouse will likely have stairs.

Once you give her a cute townhouse with stairs, she will want to make herself comfortable.

So she will begin unpacking all of her crap... er things and clutter up the place.

Since she needs to unpack her things, she will probably make her husband go to the other apartment and finish the cleaning.

When her husband goes to do the cleaning, he will likely forget his wallet at the new apartment.

Because he needs the wallet to pay the carpet cleaners the klutz has hired, he will probably call the klutz and ask if she can bring it over.

Since the klutz is also obsessive and worried about the cleaners showing up early and her husband having no money, she will attempt to leap around the empty boxes and rush down the stairs to get it to him, while still talking to him on her cell phone.

Because the klutz is a klutz, she will FALL DOWN THE STAIRS.

When the klutz falls down the stairs, she will get several bruises.

The bruises will probably turn lots of different colors. Colors so remarkable that the klutz will send a picture of them via text message to her parents.

The klutzes parents with then call her and ask what the heck is wrong with her.

They will question if she has some sort of balance-affecting neurological disorder, or if she was concussed.

She will tell them that she is fine, and that her pride is what is bruised worst of all. She will be grateful that she was the only one home, and that staircases are unable to laugh.

Assured that their daughter is not suffering any major cerebral damage, they will then ask her if she is going to write a blog post about her accident.

After much hemming and hawing she will.

And does.

The End!