Why Is My Underwear So Comfortable?

One of the benefits of having a blog, and reading other blogs, is the handiness of disseminating information gained from a wealth of personal experience. As people, we can share with one another lessons learned in the operation of living. Vastly aided by Google, one can type in just about any search term and get at least one hit, no matter how obscure the subject matter. For example, Googling "How to deworm a camel," returned ten pages of results. Go ahead, try it. No matter what your question is, chances are somewhere, someone's been through it and sent their intellectual gainings out into the ether. It's a beautiful thing.

As a blogger, I feel it's my duty to disseminate some of the information I have learned over the years. So, read on, and benefit from my experience.

Fact: If you are suddenly stricken by how terribly comfortable your underwear is (are?), it is very likely that you have managed to put said underwear on inside out. Thus, the seams face outward, and you benefit from the smooth comfort of the underwear's exterior against your posterior. Why they are not designed this way in the first place, I do not understand.

And also, to wax tangential, what's with underwear having tags? Hanes, much to my delight, has gone a long way towards furthering the tagless campaign. But why on earth did it take so long for someone to figure this out? Honestly, you wear underwear (hopefully) roughly 23.5 hours a day (assuming you shower regularly). Would it not seem expedient to make all structural underwear design decisions based solely on comfort? Why on earth do you need a tag in your undies?

I can think of no real information so vitally important that it begs a minuscule cloth note sewn straight to the fabric that covers your ass. "These underwear were made by Victoria's Secret!" Yes, thank you. I was aware of that, seeing as I purchased them there. "Machine wash and tumble dry with delicates!" Why thank you for telling me that. My personal plan for cleaning this twelve dollar and fifty sent pair of underwear was to spit on them and beat them with a stick.

No. There is no need for tags. Besides, they tickle.

There you are, trying to take notes, and all you can think about is the tickling right above your hiney. You think perhaps it might be a hair (head hair, not bum hair. eeew.) and you start to freak out. You obsess until you have to excuse yourself from the meeting and go to the bathroom and check, only to find it's the tag. Then you have to go to your desk and get the scissors and take them back to the bathroom and perform minor surgery on your unmentionables in the stall. Then your coworkers think you're a weirdo when they come in for their morning pee and hear you snipping away at something. "What is she doing with scissors in there?" they think. Then they look at you funny when you come back into the meeting fifteen minutes later. They know you've gone to the bathroom, and they know you've taken fifteen minutes. You know what they think you were doing. So what do you say? "No no no, it was nothing like that. I was just cutting a tag out of my underwear." FAIL.

So this has never happened to you? Well then, for my friends who Google "why is my underwear so comfortable?," this is for you.