By the power of...what the hell is that thing?

I was taken by a bout of nostalgia today and was searching for some 80s toys on the internet. I happened to run across a site that listed a bunch of old He-Man toys. All I can say is, wow. I can remember watching He-Man as a kids and thinking he was the positively bad-ass. Heck I even had a crush on him. But after looking at the toys...well.



So without further adieu I bring you...duh duh duh duh! Creepy toys from the past! (said with flourish in announcer man voice) Please keep in mind that all these toys are REAL He-Man characters. I have used their real names because I have no pity.

Behold! MEGATOR! Wow. I don't think I really have anything to add here. *Shudders.

TYTUS grinned over his shoulder as his shift manager hovered nearby. "Welcome to Viking Burger, home of the Gallon Grog, what can I get for you?" he said overly loud into his head set, hoping his voice would carry. As soon as his manager had passed he whispered into his cell phone, "Steve, I told you never to call me when I'm at work. What? No, I will not wear the outfit home again."

SSSQUEEZE sat in his lawyer's office, his arms curling under the desk, reviewing the deposition. "Yesss, thisss isss all correct." He confirmed. "Nacho Libre isss a sssscoundrel. I patented the Anaconda ssssqueeze back in nineteen eighty ssssseven."

"Are you sure?" asked Gary, TWO-BAD's blue head, weary of the shoe department at Bloomy's and the inquizitive stares he recieved. "Totally," reassured the perky sales girl. "Like the silver boot will totally bring out the blue in your right leg. And the leather boot will way complement the violet in the other." "Well, if you say so" both heads began, "Jinx! You owe me a coke!" they said in stereo, jocularly giving eachother the customary knuckle punch.

GRIZZLOR tried in vain to make the stodgy Americans see that waxing was not a custom of his people. "I am Frainch," he explained, "we do not, how you say, shave zee body. We only shaves zee laigs and zee face. Hon hon hon!"

After one too many Glade jokes in kindergarten, STINKOR vowed that one day, he would make them all pay. Someday, when he had his orange vinyl boots and matching vest, they'd all be sorry. "Who stinks now punks?" he'd say. Yeah. That would show them.

LOCKJAW may spend his days being a deformed amputee with circa 1378 a.d. military parts, but that doesn't mean this chap doesn't know how to party! Fortunately he keeps his g-string handy so he can drop by the techno club at a moment's notice and shake it shake it shake it. Oomcha oomcha oomcha, da da dum da da da dum da. (crazy techno drum beat)

STONEDAR says: "Dude! What? I had like this crazy trip where I was like this thing with lumpy dolphin skin. Only like my bones were like made out of toothpaste and I was wearing some tacky gold accessories. Wait, what? Dude. What you mean that's what I really look like? Dude! You're like freaking me out! Uncool."

Hope you enjoyed!

Cyndi